Do This in Memory of Me!
What can the young learn from the spirituality of the elderly?
At least once a month I celebrate the Sunday Eucharist in a nursing home for the aged. Except the nuns who look after them and a few visitors, who are apparently the children and grandchildren of the residents, the participants of this celebration are in the age range of 85 and 105. There are some challenges to be paid attention to: I need to speak loudly enough for the deaf to hear, at the same time I should not be jarring in the ears of those who use hearing-aid; I should not be too long for the sake of those who suffer from incontinence, at the same time be lengthy enough for the pious old Irish ladies to get a satisfaction of having been to the Sunday mass; and above all, being able to meaningfully interpret the gospel for this age-group.
Having spent 16 years in East Africa where life expectancy is a little over 50 years; and where almost 75% of the population is below the age of 30, I find myself here in London in quite a different situation. I stay in a religious community where I am one of the younger members. Christian visitors to Europe from other parts of the world are usually alarmed by the fact that it is only the elderly who go to church, as I too was in the beginning. Now perhaps I am getting used to it, or I am already beginning to understand it in a realistic way. Life-expectancy in the United Kingdom is almost 80 years. Older people have more time at their disposable much like the general population of Africa and Asia.
One of my lecturers, an Anglican priest herself, has a very interesting explanation: the presence of the elderly in the churches is not a sign that Christianity is dying. The capitalist society puts too much pressure on the young people and the working age-group. They are too busy. The consumerist, materialist thinking sways away the young. But at a particular age many people begin to rediscover their faith, and come back to church. If priests do not appreciate this phenomenon, they end up just mourning about the past and not care for the congregation that is in front of them. And this could contribute to the death of the Christianity.
In the light of this I take my ministry to the elderly seriously. After Sunday masses I try to engage in conversation with those who stay back for coffee – this is customary in many churches here including the nursing home where I go to. Despite the difficulty in deciphering the different accents, one thing is becoming clearer to me: the elderly have their own Christian spirituality. They have their own set of explanations for life and its mysteries.
Being a Salesian, I do not want to become a specialist in the spirituality of the elderly. So I ask myself, what can the young people learn from the spirituality of the elderly?
Our spirituality is based on our memory. When they talk about their convictions – including Christian faith – the elderly people often refer to the past. As regards spirituality they most often remember childhood experiences. Two months ago I was talking to a 96 year old lady. She is still very strong and mentally sharp. She said, “When I was a five year old, I don’t know where this came from, but there used to be this thought constantly lingering in my mind: I should be awake to hear the sound of the last trumpet! It so happened that once we were at a sea resort with our family, and I could not sleep at night. I wanted to be awake to hear the sound of the last trumpet.” There is yet another Irish lady in her 80’s; she tells me the same story week after week: “The day of our wedding the priest told us in the homily: ‘After a happy married life, when you stand before the thrown of judgement, God will ask you just one question – how did you care for the children that I entrusted you with?’”
McAdams, a much quoted author in the psychology of personality, considers individual narratives as one of the components of personality, together with traits and functionings that include roles that individuals play. In other words, our personal histories – the extent to which we remember them and the way we narrate them – form part of our personalities. The influence our behaviour. As we integrate these narratives and re-render them our personalities too mature. If spirituality is the way we understand and relate to the Divine, then our memories do play an important role. It has emerged from several researches among the elderly that people who suffer from dementia tend to exhibit decreased interest in prayer and religiosity.
Judeo-Christian tradition relies so much on memory. A search on ‘remember’ in my digital Bible yields 177 hits. The Jewish faith tradition revolves around the memory of one important event: The Exodus. “Moses said to the people, ‘Remember this day, on which you came out of Egypt, from the place of slave-labour, for by the strength of his hand Yahweh brought you out of it…” (Ex 13:3, NJB). There is a constant call to the people of Israel to “remember the covenant the Lord made with our fathers.” The Christian faith is centred on the memory of the passion, death and resurrection of Jesus. This is most powerfully preserved in the celebration of the Eucharist: “Do this as a memorial of me” (1Cor 11:25).
These religious traditions refer to collective memories, and it is not much different in our own personal narratives. Our personal spirituality is nothing but the memory of the milestones that marked our faith journey. It becomes so important then to keep our spiritual experiences in memory and to repeat it to others. This is the greatest lesson that young people can learn from the spirituality of the elderly.
In the patriarchal tradition of the book of Genesis, when Jacob (Gen 28:12-22) had his first encounter with the Lord God during his sojourn in the desert, in the dream of the ladder, he wakes up and declares, “Truly, Yahweh is in this place and I did not know.” Next morning, “Jacob took the stone he had used for his pillow, and set it up as a pillar, pouring oil over the top of it.” The stone becomes a memorial of his first encounter with the Lord God. Similarly we need to build memorials of our God-experiences, through journaling, writing poems, creating symbols, and by faith-sharing. In this way the experiences get embedded in our mind and heart. Day by day, we will begin to understand their depths, and they will get translated into actions. And at the twilight hours of our lives these memories will stand in good stead to strengthen our relationship with the Divine.