Kindness
Kindness, generosity, nurturance, care, compassion, altruistic love, and “niceness” are closely related terms that indicate “a common orientation of the self toward the other” (Peterson & Seligman, 2004, p.326). Kindness consists in doing favours or good deeds to others, while compassion is more related to the emotion evoked at the sufferings of others. Compassion becomes significant when the troubles of the other person are serious, not self-inflicted, and the agent of compassion is able to picture oneself in the same predicament as the one in trouble (Cassell, 2005, p.435). Assessing kindness involves very practical indicators as in:
- I have voluntarily helped a neighbour in the last month.
- I always call my friends when they are sick
Love
Peterson and Seligman attempt to define love in terms of psychology:
Love represents a cognitive, behavioural, and emotional stance toward others that takes three prototypical forms. One is love for the individuals who are our primary sources of affection, protection, and care… [like] a child’s love for a parent. Another form is love for the individuals who depend on us to make them feel safe and cared for… [for instance,] a parent’s love for a child. The third form is love that involves passionate desire for sexual, physical, and emotional closeness with an individual whom we consider special and who makes us feel special (Peterson & Seligman, 2004, p.304). This is also referred to as intimacy (Peterson, 2006, p.32), or as attachment (Hazan & Shaver, 2004) and is different from compassion or kindness. Hazan and Shaver (1984) have explored the parallels between the three attachment styles among infants – secure, avoidant and anxious/ambivalent – and in the way adults experience romantic love. Items in the VIA instrument include:
- I can express love to someone else.
- I can accept love from others.
Forgiveness and Mercy
Forgiveness is a set of pro-social changes that needs to be understood in terms of what happens inside the person who has been hurt – intra-psychic consequence; and between the one hurt and the relationship partner – interpersonal consequence (Baumeister, Exline, & Sommer, 1998, p.85) According to Enright and Coyle (1998, p.140) forgiveness consists in three steps: the injured person recognises an actual injustice; the injured person chooses willingly to respond with mercy rather than with justifiable retribution; and to be concerned with the good of the interaction. Forgiveness can be considered a particular expression of mercy that includes “kindness, compassion, or leniency towards a transgressor” (Peterson & Seligman, 2004, p.446). At one level, forgiveness could be expressed in a dialogical request for redress; on another plane, it could also be a gratuitous offer of mercy and openness to reconciliation. Some items from VIA that measure forgiveness:
- I do not want to see anyone suffer, even my worst enemy.
- I try to respond with understanding when someone treats me badly.